


Goaten

by Josenka



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Bad Puns, Family Fluff, Food Fight, Gen, Goats, Super Saiyan, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 03:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8313067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Josenka/pseuds/Josenka
Summary: Lunchtime for Vegeta is disrupted by the arrival of a transformed Goten.
  “Bulla,” his teeth gnashed, “what is that--that thing?”

  “This, Daddy,” she grinned, showing two gaps where teeth were last week, “this is Goten.”

  “GOTEN!?” Great galaxy, how had the younger spawn of Kakarot transformed into this--this thing? Angry Buu? Ultraquasar radiation? Alien bioengineering? “What’s happened to him?”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zephfair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zephfair/gifts).



> The Dragon Ball Universe is huge. Enormous. Gargantuan. It has its own Wiki, too! Even with that Wiki's help, nothing here's ever going to be certified 100% Canon™ because interpretation, speculation and invention. And omission of Dragon Ball GT and Super et al. This slice of Saiyan life, with a little (or a lot) inspiration from "Yo! Son Goku and His Friends Return", is all about how mushy-wushy Daddy Vegeta is with Bra (Bulma Junior?) who is called Bulla here like in English dubs.

**T** he sun shone on the table in the nook designated for breakfasting. Mrs Briefs (personal name still unknown after twenty years) had prepared him, Prince of All Saiyans, another delectable luncheon, the ideal finale for a successful morning of training in 500G. There were eels with onions, sushi with sardines, beef with broccoli, chicken-fried bacon and chicken-fried steak and chicken-fried dinosaur chicken, mutton stew and tortilla soup, egg rolls of pork, shrimp and chicken, tater tots and fried pickles, all herbed and spiced with scrumptiousness. She baked and stewed, fried and roasted without robotic assistance, insisting their concoctions lacked this secret ingredient: _heart._ He had long believed Earthlings adverse to devouring animal hearts, but if it improved food flavoring who was he to object?

Bulla tramped into the breakfast space whilst Vegeta enjoyed tater tots in tartar sauce. Accompanying her was a horned creature that reminded him of Dabura, former King of the Demons (now Head Greeter to Other World, awarding flowery halos to heroic souls). This thing was covered in shaggy black fur, wore a jeweled bell around its neck and walked on four hoofed feet. And its golden eyes glared at him across the table like it had a grudge against him.

“Bulla,” his teeth gnashed, “what is that--that thing?”

“This, Daddy,” she grinned, showing two gaps where teeth were last week, “this is Goten.”

 _“GOTEN!?”_ Great galaxy, how had the younger spawn of Kakarot transformed into this--this thing? Angry Buu? Ultraquasar radiation? Alien bioengineering? “What’s happened to him?”

“He’s been a naughty boy, eating Trunks’ fave jacket” Bulla giggled. “Goten, I’ll be back in a few minutes with something special for storytime.” She hopped and skipped tither, leaving Vegeta alone with this--this Saiyan transformed into a monster.

“So, what’s befallen you?” It bleated its unintelligible answer of _baas_ and _faas._ “No matter, Trunks’ll get the Dragon Balls to restore you.” Although this was a remarkable improvement. Goten could not call him Uncle Veggie like Pan did; and it was only tolerated from her due to her status as favorite fightmate to Bulla.

Goten seesawed his horned head, his eyes swaying from bowl to bowl, from plate to plate. “Lay off!” Vegeta commanded. “This food _is_ mine.” Goten whined with his new voice, much as he did with the old one whenever told he needed to train more. “There’s plenty for you to eat at your home.”

 _“BAAAF!”_ And, like the low caste Saiyan he was, he did not respect the plates of others, sniffing them at point blank range. His Buu-hued tongue unfurled. And it grabbed egg rolls or every variety, depriving Vegeta of what he had designated dessert. _“BAAAA!”_

"Hey!" Vegeta rose from his chair. “I told you this was _all_ mine!”

_“BRRAAAF!”_

Goten nosed a dinosaur chicken drumstick drenched in diablo sauce. “That’s it!” Anger transformed the Prince of All Saiyans to his mighty gold-haired form. “That’s my drumstick!” Goten had half of it down his gullet when Vegeta grasped the other end. “Mine!” He tugged and tussled with Goten who had retained his super strength. Yanking ensued. Vegeta would not devour this defiled meat, but it was his intent to prove ownership. “My drumstick!”

“Goten!” Bulla yelled. “Are you being naughty again?”

“Yes, he is!”

Goten released the drumstick. _“BAAAA!”_ He tottered over to Bulla who had her favorite book clasped in her arms: _If You Give A Goat A Gingerbread Man. “BRRAAAF!”_

“Ah, he can’t help it.” She scratched him between the horns. “He’s on a seafood diet.”

“Then why did he eat my chicken?”

“Huh?” Her brow furrowed. “Oh, I see!” She tittered. “Silly Daddy, he sees food and just eats it.”

“Typical Saiyan scum!” Goten glared at him again. “How soon before he’s wished back to his natural state?”

“Uh,” she blinked, “this _is_ his natural state.”

“What!?” Energy surged through the chamber. “How is that possible!?”

“Silly Daddy, this isn’t Goten!” she snorted along with that creepy creature. “This is Goaten: _G-O-A-T-E-N._ He’s a goat from Grandpa’s sanctuary.”

“Hmph!” Vegeta huffed. “Remember your lessons are at four.”

“You mean roller skating!” she ha-haed and tee-heed as she departed, stalked by that terrible bleating thing. “Goaten, it’s gonna be so fun seeing Daddy skate in 400G.”

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This fanfic is for fun, not profit. Unless the author gets ahold of seven Dragon Balls. Then it's a #1 Bestseller Short Story for five years.


End file.
